once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
