i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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