just tell him i said nine months
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
