Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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