I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
