State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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