Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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