he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
