benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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