Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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