I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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