Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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