OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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