I think I died a long time ago.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
