Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
