dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
