I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
