You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
