..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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