Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
