I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What a dumb baby whore.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
