I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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