After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
