The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
