I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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