So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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