I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
