I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
