I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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