So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
