1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
