very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
