your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize