I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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