My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You can't special order awesome
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think people are normalizing furries
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
