these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
