Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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