How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize