I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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