We're like a lot better than the average bears
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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