Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
