On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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