If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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