On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
