I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
