Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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