y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
