i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
