I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
