What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
