i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
