if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
