I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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