I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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