My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
