5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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