All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
