i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
