you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
