Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
