I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think i got beer on your cat.
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