Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
