if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
