So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
