he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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