Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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