You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
