I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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