you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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