I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize