If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
