After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize