hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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