someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
