My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize