That's when you crack a 10am beer
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
