get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize