Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
