38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
