First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
