I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
