honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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