I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
