I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
