considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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