I want to have your abortion
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
