I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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