So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
