like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize