so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
