My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
