I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
