i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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