I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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