did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
