I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
