i think my tv is drunk
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
