I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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