does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
that may or may not have been my penis.
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