thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
