Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
