So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
