we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
