No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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