We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
