We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
